Beautiful things...

It's been quite a day in the little place I like to call "Braden's World." No no, I'm not schizophrenic... don't worry.

Hello, my readers! I hope you're well.

I have to say that today started off with an anxiousness that was pretty hard to squelch. I had almost everything done that I needed to do and everything was moving very smoothly, but I was still pretty anxious and I wasn't sure why (not that it mattered). It's amazing to me how much time we [as people] spend going back over things unnecessarily, simply because we weren't actually paying attention the first time around. Today was riddled with little things like that, which told me that I wasn't really paying attention to where I was or what I was doing. Frustratingly, when you think about trying to move through it, get over it, or beat the anxiousness it simply seems to grow and grow. It's more a shift in focus. It's like trying to beat a bully--there doesn't seem to be a good way to actually combat the stupidity that comes from a bully being that it's normally a statement made or something done just to get under someone's skin. Consequently, we're all just supposed to "ignore" them; this is more easily said than done... as I'm sure you would agree. Literally though, IGNORING it in the full sense of the word... to actually not give it enough attention for you, yourself, to even know it's there, is the best way to do it. This goes above and beyond the usual, "just let them know it doesn't bother you and walk away." By virtue of making the statement "it doesn't bother me" and actually walking away, you're recognizing it, which means it has power. We may try to show people that things don't bother us, but when they ACTUALLY don't, it's very obvious... we don't miss a beat.

I had such a smooth morning that I even had some extra time before my session. I got a chance to meet up with some people and relax for an extra unplanned half-hour. I ate my lunch, TRIED to relax, enjoyed my company... it was a beautiful thing.

I went in to the rink today, feeling slightly sluggish, a little off schedule, anxious, etc.... not really psyched to practice. Today was also the first day of skating without something that holds my hair back--seemingly ridiculous but when uncontrolled, it can be very distracting; I had it "done" the way I think I want to do it for competition... so it was a little bit of a test run. I warmed up, did my jumps, and did my short program. It wasn't until after the very first element, a spin, that my anxiousness actually went away. It dissolved. My focus was elsewhere. I was at the rink. I was doing my program. I was sync'd with the music. I did what I do every day without any other little thoughts attached to it. The best part about it, I did a clean short program!

It was a beautiful thing for me to prove to myself that I could, without feeling 100%, with hair in my face, and dragging, still do a clean short program. Any excuse that I can come up with from now on is only in my head!

Funny funny how life seems to work out.

Then I went to the airport. I missed my flight. It's a really long story! (which is a lie but the alternative makes me look irresponsible). LOL.

After feeling like the earth stopped spinning for about 20 seconds, I actually began to enjoy my day even more than before. I couldn't be that anxious... no matter what I did, I wasn't getting on that plane. I am getting to spend some extra time with my family, friends, girlfriend... I got to eat a real dinner, I get some down time, I'm not going to miss anything at the competition even with the slight alterations in my plans, I'm certainly warmer now than I will be in St. Paul... oh, as strange as it may sound, missing my flight was a beautiful thing.

Even better, it works out that now I'm flying at a time when I can spend the entire flight sleeping and I love that. It'll be awesome!

Life is a beautiful thing!!!

Chat at ya later,

Braden

(okay, so I missed my flight because I thought it was at 4:45 p.m. and instead, it was at 4:05 p.m. I thought I was doing really well getting there at 3:30... that's a lot earlier than I normally arrive but today, I just wanted to play it safe. LOL! LOL! Can't let it get ya down)