Woh, big-picture... Woh!

Hear ye, hear ye... LOL! I just wanted to say that.

Hello, everyone.

Today was yet another interesting day in the training life of me. And might I say, it was perfect that I wrote my quick blurb this morning about believing in yourself.

I did a short program today on the first session that started off with a great triple axel only to be followed by a DOUBLE loop and then a good triple lutz combo. DOUBLE loop. My point is not to dwell but to examine enough to learn and move on. I did the short program again and did some not so great things... again!! What was going on? I'll tell you. I had to prove to myself that I'm NOT invincible. As strange as that sounds, I'm not. Bullets may deflect from my chest, and yes, I may have x-ray vision, bones of steel, and the strength of a thousand men, but I still occasionally make a mistake. I didn't feel "present" in what I was doing; my mind wasn't experiencing the right now. This however is the exact mindset that I had to work my way out of--"mistakes, popping, dwelling, not being present, non-invincibility, 'what's the problem' "... blah blah blah; these are all things that I don't like, I don't want, make me uncomfortable and yet, that's where I was focused. We're so quick to try and explain why whatever happened happened and for some reason, we'll come to a conclusion that sounds reasonable enough for us to buy into and then we'll feel better, supposedly. (What's my standard news flash? NO ONE CARES) I had to do another program and prove to myself I could do it the way I intended... this time, a clean program. In the program I fell out of triple axel, reasonable triple loop, double lutz w/out the combo. What the... ? This was not the program I thought I wanted but apparently it was cause I'm the only one who has control over doing it, and I know that I'm capable of doing it.

I did a bunch of thinking to put myself in the place [mentally] where I wanted to be. Just like yesterday, when I had to simplify things, today I was making this short program a much bigger deal than it was; I was looking at the whole thing and it had to be perfect. Why? Because if I do a perfect program today.... blah blah blah (again), a perfect program today means nothing in terms of what happened 20 minutes ago or what's going to happen in an hour; it's only right now... that's the only time I can do my program, right now. It's also one element at a time, I don't do them all at once, stop looking at them all at once. ONE ELEMENT AT A TIME. I know how to do everything in the program. I'm a great athlete. I do clean programs. I stay present. I'm a great skater. This is a great program. I know each move. I hit my positions. I do triple axel. I do triple loop. I do triple lutz combo. Funny, funny... no matter how I try and work through it in my head, I don't do them all at the same time... so I had to stop thinking of them all at the same time. Take it piece by piece, element by element, each one independent of the next. I know how to do each one. So, do each one... one at a time!! First: spin. Second: Axel. Third: footwork. Fourth: loop. Etc, Etc. I went and placed each element with the music, ONE AT A TIME, and it worked out much better.

Now the long. AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I almost can't recap the first one as I can't remember it exactly. It was not what I thought I wanted though. I was looking at the WHOLE program and freaking myself out, yet again. One... element... at... a... time! I do one jump. Then I do the next. Then I do the next. Then I do the next. I did a triple axel combo, I did a shifty triple loop, I did a DOUBLE flip and for less than a second let it get me down. I continued and did the spin that followed. This is where there's a pause in the action of the program and often times my mind starts to work. It was GREAT today. I told myself that I am a well-trained athlete and I can do the lutz combo (coming next) in my program very well. I can do each element in my program very well. I continued and did the rest of the program clean, but not only was it clean, it was free of hesitation. I know I do lutz. I know I do triple axel (after the lutz). And so on. With each element I gathered more and more strength to do the next because I trusted myself, I believed in myself and I believed I was more than capable. The program ended stronger than it's ended for a long time.

I was bummed about the popped flip in the beginning, but overall, that was the only mistake in the whole program--when you're paying attention to right now, you don't notice the big picture until it's over. You have to climb a mountain one step at a time and before you know it, you'll be at the top. In fact, I got a comment from an ex-Olympian/coach a few minutes later who said, "that was an incredible program. I loved it--gave me goose bumps." In retrospect, there was an aggressive mental shift after my flip. I had to relax my mind and trust that I'm well-trained. I had to believe that I can do the things I do everyday. I had to look only at what came next and not three elements ahead or behind. I managed to flip my mind around and do all of these things. This was a great day!!

I started off the day playing with and looking for what I call indicators... almost like the pieces in a logic puzzle: if this, then that. Example: if I do a clean program today, then next week will be great (or, next week I'll do a clean program in competition). It's a way we all make ourselves feel better by thinking we can predict and control the outcomes of something that has yet to happen. NO! NO! NO! So quickly does this lead us into an emotional vortex of destructive chaos and mental malfeasance, it's crazy. A clean program today is a clean program today and that's it. I can do it every day, but it's a choice, and it doesn't matter what happened yesterday or what I think is going to happen tomorrow. If I want to do a clean program right now, then I can do it. I just take it one element at a time!!!

Also, I am adding, "I am a very well-trained athlete" to my list of reinforcers/reminders/"affirmations."

Thanks for tuning in.

Braden